Catching Up!

So I've been super busy if you can't tell! I'm busy with trying to get everything in order for me to graduate with High Honors and the Advanced Honors Diploma. I'm so close to getting it! I just need to keep my GPA up and finish these online classes. It's a lot of pressure, not to mention everything else I'm dealing with.

I have a horrible english teacher who won't do her job. I currently have an F in that class. Maybe if she could do her job and grade papers then maybe I wouldn't have that F that I currently hold. It has become my life goal to get that up, along with my C in government. I'm also trying to get more involved to put it on my college applications. I worry constantly about that.

What else am I dealing with you might ask? Well for one thing I'm frustrated with a lot of things. If my mom reads this we'll probably have a long talk, but I really don't care - this has to come out somehow and I really don't know who to talk to. I feel like I have no one. People say I can talk to them but they're busy, and most are far away busy with college. I know I can talk to Jen too - but she's also not only dealing with a lot, but probably tired of my problems.

I understand that the reason my parents got me a car is to help out. I also understand that my parents are busy with a lot of other things. They don't worry a lot about me because I can take care of myself, but I'm tired of always coming last! Finding a car for me isn't a priority and I understand that it isn't always about me, but I only ask that one thing. I've saved up and saved up for a car, and I know that I'll have to pay my parents back what they cover me, but finding a car for me has moved from the kinda top to the very bottom. We don't have the money - which I understand. But trying to sell stuff to get Cord a tramp? Why has that gone up?! He's 5, I'm leaving this year. Why has he shifted up? Because he's younger and I'm always pushed down. I can never have a moment with my mom because she's either busy with Bri, Cord, or Mason. Not even two minutes without being interupted. I understand that she thinks I'm the oldest and can take care of myself, but sometimes I just need her. Having her constantly bugging me about my school work just makes me mad - I have everything under control. I also don't need her on my back about mutual and temple trips and things. Sometimes I just need her to be there for me, to listen to me - just me and that's it. But that isn't possible, and I understand but that doesn't make things any easier. Maybe this has helped me sort things out, or even just get it out. Every person is dealing with things right?

Well that's my sob story for today, but I promise next time I'll post it'll be happy :) but until next time peace!

Until the Future,
Chelsea Marie :)

Realization

So today my mom, siblings, and I traveled to my hometown. The place that I always refer to as home - St. George! I can actually breath, and see the stars tonight!! <3 .="." :=":" a="a" again="again" all="all" always="always" amazing="amazing" and="and" are="are" around="around" back="back" be="be" but="but" city="city" did="did" don="don" down="down" dread="dread" even="even" feel="feel" free="free" friends="friends" george="george" glad="glad" gone="gone" hard.="hard." harder="harder" have="have" how="how" i="i" in="in" it="it" jen="jen" just="just" known.="known." like="like" live="live" living="living" lot="lot" love="love" m="m" many="many" me="me" most="most" moving="moving" much.="much." much="much" my="my" nbsp="nbsp" night="night" now="now" of="of" out="out" p="p" realized="realized" s="s" she="she" so="so" some="some" st.="st." still="still" t="t" that="that" the="the" then="then" there.="there." there="there" tied="tied" to="to" tomorrow="tomorrow" travel="travel" ve="ve" vegas="vegas" we="we" when="when" who="who" without="without" wondered="wondered">
When we got here we had dinner and then went to see Aladdin and Tuacahn <3 -="-" a="a" absolutely="absolutely" acting="acting" aladdin="aladdin" also="also" am="am" amazing="amazing" amphitheater="amphitheater" an="an" and="and" are="are" be="be" beast="beast" beauty="beauty" been="been" broadway="broadway" camelot="camelot" cinderella="cinderella" cute="cute" did="did" do="do" doing="doing" done="done" effects="effects" fair="fair" get="get" go="go" going="going" grateful="grateful" hairspray="hairspray" haven="haven" how="how" i="i" if="if" it="it" just...everything="just...everything" lady="lady" little="little" ll="ll" love="love" loved="loved" mary="mary" mention="mention" mermaid="mermaid" much="much" my="my" nbsp="nbsp" never="never" next="next" non="non" not="not" now="now" on="on" one="one" only="only" outside="outside" permission="permission" play.="play." play="play" plays="plays" poppins="poppins" put="put" regret="regret" roadway="roadway" s="s" season.="season." see="see" so="so" stunning="stunning" suggest="suggest" t="t" tarzan="tarzan" that="that" the="the" theater="theater" they="they" tickets="tickets" to="to" tuacahn="tuacahn" ve="ve" was="was" whenever="whenever" you="you">probably
 cheaper than Broadway plays, but same quality (I could be wrong. We always get this military discount because of my grandpa).
Well as I sit and ponder under these amazing stars (if you have the ability to see stars every night be grateful! Don't take it for granted! I envy you!) my mind goes to Kelly. He's already meeting people - girls. He actually had this foam party tonight and went with the girls (two) that he met and with their group. He was telling me how it was good he went with them because they helped him loosen up. I'm SO glad he's having fun and that he's happy! I can't stress that enough. But...I just can't torture myself. I just sit here and think about all the beautiful women he'll meet and how me might be attracted to one of them. I need to let him be free and to be able to do whatever he wants - even though I'm not holding him back. But I also need to let him go for me so I don't feel like this. I miss him so much, and when I see a picture my heart skips a beat. I really like this guy....like A LOT...possibly...yeah. But I don't want to...but I need to. Slowly stop talking to him as much. Keep in touch via e-mail, once a week. So that way we stay friends and we stay close and get even closer, but I'm not killing myself. But I also think that doing that will kill me. So no matter what, people (me) get hurt. What way would be the best way? This is what I'm finding myself ask myself. I can't tell if he feels the same way I do, I can't tell if he likes me as much as I like him, I can't tell if he'd rather just be left alone or if he'd rather talk everyday like we do. Maybe when I see him next I can ask him, I can talk to him. I don't think this is a conversation to be had via text though....I don't know. Maybe sleep will help my head sort through everything. I'm going to leave this and just see what happens. What do you guys think?

Well I am tired so I'm heading off to bed! Goodnight!

With Bewilderment,
Chelsea Marie :)

I like this song and I hope you enjoy it too!

More Goodbyes

So....Vegas is empty....Well it sure feels that way. Yes, college has started for everyone. Everyone is basically gone (with a few exceptions) and let me say, Vegas has never felt so empty to me than it does now.  All of my really good friends are gone to college (with a few exceptions). I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do without Lauren Moxley!! She was always there to help me solve things and push me to do things I was too scared to do. She's my shopping buddy!! They're at college, and they're all going to have so much fun! I'm glad for them, but I'm seriously am going to miss them so much!! I hope we all stay in touch, instead of saying we will but instead we don't. I hate when that happens! I've lost so many friends due to that!

Do you guys remember how Kelly was back in town while figuring things out? Well he was. From Monday until yesterday. Snow College said they would accept him! So he left - for good - last night. I saw him before he left for a little bit. He's going to have so much fun at college though! And when I saw him, he looked the best he has! He said he feels like he's back on track - because he's been off track for the longest time. I'm so happy for him! I miss him though. We're going to do what he decided, but it's easier said than done. I don't want to not text him. I want to talk to him all the time, I want to know what's going on. But I need to let him date other girls - hot college girls :( and I need to date other guys if I want to get over him. My dad keeps saying "You just need to get over him" and I HATE when he says that. I hate how my family is like "weren't you not supposed to see him?" and they judge. They don't know what it's like to be me. They don't know whats all going on. You can't just say "just get over him". I'm sorry, but that's not how it goes. I haven't felt a connection like this since....well really since Faith. I can talk to him so easily! He doesn't judge, he understands, he listens. I know he's there for me for everything. I just feel so close to him, even though we've only been really friends for the past month or so. Even if their is no future for us, I can see us being friends for life. I hope I can help him with life, because he's helped me so much. I feel like I know everything, and nothing about him. We're going to get closer as time goes, and know almost everything about each other. That's what I want!

We were talking about him leaving and he was like "you know if you ever need anything my family will help you out". We just kept talking and he was saying how his mom could help me with anything if I ever needed it. He gave his mom my number because I guess she goes to movies alone all the time. For anyone who knows me (or who has read this blog), they know I LOVE movies! So I'll have a movie partner. I mean I go with my friends, but usually no one has money to go. I always just make money when I wanna go because I love movies. It's understandable to those who don't have money for a simple movie, but I love it. So I guess she'll call me if she want's to see a movie. I think at first it would be weird but then after a few times it'll be okay! And it always helps to have the mother on your side hahaha but I'm not using her!! I wouldn't want anyone to get that idea.

Today Jen and I had half a Harry Potter movie marathon! She came over around 2:30 and she had to be home at 10:30. We watched the first three movies and we'll finish the rest later! We had so much fun doing everything! We watched, ate yummy food, talked, spoke in British accents, and we even called Kelly. He'll think I'm crazy, but I hope the voicemail will make him smile and brighten up his day. We were hilarious and fun. :) I love that girl so much!!!

During our movie marathon Sister Hadley (our seminary teacher) called. She asked if we would be in charge of scripture mastery. It'll be fun to be in charge and we get to work together!! I'm so super excited! :) If you guys have any suggestions on how to make scripture mastery fun please comment! :)


With Magic,
Chelsea Marie

This is so true. It made me cry when I was missing everyone.

These guys are my new favorite! I love their music! I've been listening to the one album they have out and man I really like all the music on it! I would suggest if you like this song to listen to all their songs!

Heaven Bar's

So on this lovely Monday I did some spanish and then I decided to make some of these yummy bar's that I've been wanting to make. I saw them on pintrest and they have everything I love - brownies, Reese's, and cookie dough. They're called Reese's Cookie's but I made my own name (two actually) :

Reese's Cookie Brownie Bar's
                  -and-
       Heaven On Earth Bar's

So here's what you do:

Ingredients:
Raw Cookie Dough
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
Brownie Mix


Step One:
 You flatten cookie dough on the pan. The recipe says to squish 1.5 squares of break-apart refridgerated cookie dough but I just got some regular cookie dough and put whatever in.

Step Two:

You put Reese's face down on the cookie dough. This is really easy and deliciously hard to try not to eat the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup's :) 

Step Three:
Fill up the mixed brownie mix on top of them. Make sure you do everything to the brownie mix except make it!

Step Four:

Cook at 350 degrees for 18 minutes. Enjoy the delicious yummyness! :)\

Here's the Pinterest link:

http://media-cache-ec2.pinterest.com/upload/79094537176272507_IuShoyl2_c.jpg

They were really yummy! Other than that I just watched TV. I feel like my day was unproductive, but productive at the same time. 

Kelly's back in town while he figures everything out, but he doesn't want to see each other. Just pretend like he's not here so we don't take a step back. I see the smartness of this and the rationality, but that doesn't change the fact that I hate it. I mean we started whatever this was, ignoring rationality and so why not ignore it again? But he's being smart and I shouldn't challenge it so I'm not going to. It just sucks. This whole situation sucks. How did I get pulled into this? Stupid Heart. I hate it. It sucks. GGGRRRR...Okay. I'm going to be okay with this. I'm not going to be pathetic. I'm going to push aside these feelings. I'm going to focus on school and my senior year.  This is my plan. Like it?

Well I'm off to do some more nothingingness

With Listness,

Chelsea Maire :) 

I heard this song on a tv show and fell in love, especially with the guitar! 

I Hate Goodbye's

So yesterday Kelly left...so here's what we did his last two days:

On Thursday, after work Kelly and I hung out. We went to Lake Las Vegas and just walked around and hung out there. Then we went to iHop and had some pancakes! Our waitress was really nice! :) We then went to the park and just layed on the grass and talked. I got home around midnight.

On Friday we woke up at 4 am and headed down to Mount Charleston. It was a really quite ride there because we were both dead tired. Kelly probably only got like 20 minutes of sleep. When we finally got there, we headed to his cabin. It turned out that his aunt was staying there with her kids. So we walked around in the freezing cold until we couldn't take it. We went inside and his aunt woke up by the sound of him unlocking the door! THE LARKINS ARE REALLY LIGHT SLEEPERS!! We hung out with his aunt and cousins and went on a hike. It felt really nice at Mount Charleston!! His family was awesome. He taught me chess, we played chinese checkers (I was 3rd! :D), and he allowed his cousin to paint his nails, do his hair, and put him in a "dress" (a blanket wrapped around him). Around 12:15 we headed back to Vegas and went to lunch at the Macaroni Grill. Our waiter - who looked liked Neil Patrick Harris - was so nice! We had some fun, and he was just awesome! :) We think he was gay because he was like super nice to Kelly but after he saw us kiss he wasn't as nice. He wasn't mean, but he wasn't AS nice. But I really liked him, he was awesome :) Then we headed back to his mom's appartment and started to finish the movie was had started watching last time. Well his mom came in and walked in on us kissing...I swear we have the worst luck with parents catching us kissing!! My dad has even seen us! The only person who hasn't is my mom...it's bound to happen sometime. Then I went to go feed Jen's dog and we started watching The Kings Speech. It was a REALLY good movie!

The Kings Speech was so well directed! I loved the quality of the picture and I loved his style of the movie picture. I loved how he didn't put the actors in the middle of the shot. The actors were PERFECT for their characters! The movie was absolutely amazing, and I suggest seeing it. The PG-13 version.

During the movie Kelly took a little nap because he would have to drive all night up to Utah. After the movie we got to talking and just hung out. We literally spent 20 hours together...It was some of the best 20 hours of my life...

On Thursday and Friday Kelly did open up a little to me. It was awesome! I felt closer to him during those moments. He let me in his mind of a little bit and I felt so privileged to be allowed into his mind. It was awesome! When he fell asleep he was holding me and when he falls asleep his body clenches up. He was holding me so tight, but I was so comfortable and didn't want to ever move.

During the entire day I was trying not to think...at all. I didn't want to think about him moving, and all the friends who are moving in this next week. I'm really going to miss him!! He kept saying that he really liked me and he was going to miss me. I really like him...and I really miss him already. Not talking so much and just being friendly is going to be hard. He is such an amazing guy! We knew this was coming, but I didn't think it was going to be so hard...But he's gone now. So what can I do? Just sit here and deal with it.

Today I went school shopping. When I woke up all I really wanted to do was sit and watch tv or movies. I wanted to stay in my pj's and lounge around. But my mom wanted to go shopping. It was nice! I got some really cute clothes, and I LOOOOVEE my new heels!!! I can't wait to wear them! It was a good way to get my mind off of things. Now I'm going to go hang up everything that I bought and put stuff away and then lounge around and then sleep.

Have I ever mentioned I hate goodbye's? This week is going to be a really hard week with most of my friends moving away for college...It's going to be a rough one.

With a Heavy Heart,
Chelsea Maire

Here's a song that describes how I felt when the time kept creeping up til Kelly left. The next post will be happier I promise!

Pondering...

So last night Kelly picked me up from work. My dad had driven me (so I could take the good meds) but wouldn't be able to take me home. When he picked me up we were trying to decide what to do. We stopped at In-N-Out to get a shake (he got a burger also) and then we headed to go see The Bourne Legacy

I hadn't watched the Bourne trilolgy for a while, so I had completely forgetten like...everything haha so through most of it I was lost. It was okay, and the action was good. I didn't like how people were dieing though - I would've much rathered Batman's way of doing things :P .

Before the movie, when we were walking into the theater, Kelly decided he would spill water all over me. We traded shirts during the movie - man he is muscular! The movie theater was PACKED (probably because it was $6 Tuesday) and so I saw a lot of people I knew there. I had also forgetten that Jake (yes the ex) had invited everyone to go see a movie to fill up the theater. So naturally I saw him, his family, and his friends. I talked to his family, and even him. It wasn't weird at all! It was just like we were friends. His mom even hugged me, and we caught up. His family is so nice, and I'm glad it wasn't awkward at all! I do realize now, though, that I was completely rude to Kelly. I turned my back and talked to Jake's mom, and I should've introduced them! I was completely rude and will have to appologize when I see him next! That was really rude of me...

They didn't see the same movie though, they saw The Campaign  (which is R). It's R probably because of dirty comedy, which I think would be awkward seeing with your parents...just a thought. It looks funny, but it's R...oh well!

Kelly was kinda aggitated yesterday, and I felt like I was making everything worse. I should've just gone home and let him be with himself...? I hate how helpless I am! I wish I could do something to make him feel better, to make his problems go away, to make him happy! I feel so helpless and I HATE it! I really care about him, and it's so annoying that I can't help him. I know he needs to go through this by himself and whatever but I really just HATE how I can't help him.... :( I wish I could...maybe if he just got it out and not kept it all bottled up inside he'd feel better? But I know the feeling of not wanting to talk about it. I did like how he opened up to me a few nights back. I just wish I could help him...but what I can do is try to make him happy and not make things worse for him.

After the movie it was almost 10 :( but thankfully (THANKS MOMMY!) I got a 30 minute extension on my curfew. Personally, I think having a 10 o' clock curfew on the weekdays during the summer is stupid. I really hate how all my friends can stay out til 1 or 2 in the morning and I have to go home at 10....I just wish I could stay out til 12. I mean it's summer!! When school starts up I'll understand 10 but IT'S SUMMER!!! The summer before my senior year too! The summer that all my friends are moving away! I'm almost 18 also! It's just the most frustrating thing in the world when you have to spend all day working (which I don't want to be doing by the way! I would love to have TODAY to be my last day of work!!!) and then I have like a few hours with Kelly and then after this week we wont have anytime. A couple extra hours would be AWESOME. It's just the most frustrating thing in the world. But what am I gonna do? Nothing. Because I don't want the time to be moved up and I dont' want to get in trouble (even though I'll probably get in trouble by what I'm saying right now...)

On another note, I shouldn't have driven to work today. I was so tired this morning and in so much pain! My back was like KILLING me this morning and so was my jaw! I was going to ride with my dad, but I wanted some extra time to sleep. But let me tell you, I was not the best driver on the road this morning. I wasn't like...dangerous to myself and other people, but sometimes it was hard to stay straight...I'm worried about driving home...I guess we'll see what happens! I wont get in a crash. I think I'll be fine because I'll be more awake. I'll let you guys know.


Oh by the way.....MY LAST DAY IS TOMORROW!!!!!! But that means Kelly leaves in two days :'( BUT MY LAST DAY IS TOMORROW!

With Contemplation,

Chelsea Maire :)

I saw this preview and I really wanna see this movie! I can only see that one guy as Shaggy in Scooby-Doo though.

Another Update

So a lot has happened since I last posted on here.

Thursday after work I hung out with Kelly, and I wanted to do something active. We have a badmittion set and so we wanted to play that BUT we couldn't find it :( So we ended up at the Rec Center (which I had never been to) and played some games. We played pool, ping pong, and foosball (is that how you spell it?). We had a lot of fun just mesing around :)

Friday Morning I got my wisdom teeth out...THAT was fun :P My sister and I both got ours out on the same day so we were both loopy. My mom said it was a funny car ride! I remember most of what happened while I was drugged, but it feels like an out of body experience. I waved to some guys, with a druggie smile and I talked to my dad on the phone. I don't remember what was said, but I remember talking to him. Kelly is so amazing, do you know why? Well he stayed with me all day Friday and watched movie after movie wtih me! He kept me distracted from the pain :) He honestly doesn't know how grateful I am that he was there because I would've been completely miserable without him! Jen also stopped by with ice cream and pudding! :) <3 amazing="amazing" and="and" because="because" both="both" cheeks="cheeks" each="each" girl="girl" hah="hah" holding="holding" hurt="hurt" i="i" it="it" laugh="laugh" love="love" made="made" make="make" more="more" other="other" our="our" p="p" s="s" she="she" that="that" us="us" we="we" were="were">
Waiting....                               After...Bri and I heh
        

Waiting for my mom to help me inside (she helped Bri inside first and we didn't want me to pass out so my mom wanted to be there to help me inside)

This is how swollen I was!
 

Bri and I the next day...don't we look lovely? :P Kelly must've LOOVED seeing me like this...oh gosh..just thinking about it now makes me wonder why he still likes me :P but hey that's a REALLY good thing! haha :)


On Saturday Kelly came over after lunch and we watched a few movies, then we went to see Total Recall

It was HORRIBLE! The acting was okay, but it should've been rated R. There was one scene where a girl with three breats flashed the guy and we actually saw the breats! Then it was just constant action! There was no break inbetween each action scene. After a while it got kinda boring and it felt more like a video game. I did not like this movie, nor do I recommend seeing it! Did you hear me? DO. NOT. GO. SEE. THIS. MOVIE!

We were gonna go to his cabin up by Mt. Charleston but they're blasting the mountain so we can't get through :( I so wanted to see the stars! So we went to the movie! We had some time before it started so we walked around the District and saw a few people there! We saw Katrina, which we both know, while she was working and we also ran into her after the movie. Kelly is really awkward when I see people I know or we both know. He just get's quite and reserved...I wonder why? After the movie we got some pizza (I ATE SOME SOLID FOOD!! YESS!!) and then ended back at his place. We were just relaxing and I think I fell asleep for a little bit.

I wanted to go to church on Sunday, just sacrament, but I fell asleep and my mom thought it would be best if I just stayed home and rest. I was in my bed for most of the entire day. It was actually kind of nice!

On Monday, I was going to go to work, but when I woke up I felt like I was going to puke so I called in sick. I took a three hour nap - which felt AMAZING! - and then watched some TV. Around two or three Kelly picked me up to hang out. We first stopped by Home Depot to get some stuff for this experiment he's doing (idk what it is) and we spent a few hours there finding stuffs, asking people where things are, looking for things, and waiting for assistance. We finally left and started on his project. He had forgotten like a few things that were kinda major to the project so we just went back to his place. We were trying to dcide what to do and decided to go to Panera Bread to get food and then headed back to his place. We just cuddled and talked until I had to go home. It was really nice talking to him, because he opened up to me a little bit. I really loved that he opened up, and it made me feel special! I will hold what he told me dear to my heart, and never let a soul see! We had a really good talk :)

While we were hanging out, I did notice something on my leg. It looked like a spot, but it wasn't a spot. I also have scratches on my legs, but idk how they got there. It's very weird....and fishy...we'll see what happens with that.

 

With Pain,

Chelsea Maire :)

Did you guys know that Taylor Swift came out with a new single?

Her new album - Red - is ocming out October 22 :)