"And after that?"

This seems to be the question on my mind a lot lately. And after I'm over Jake? And after my dad gets home? And after I go home? And after I break up with her?

I'm so confused on how I feel right now. I still hurt. I'm still recovering. I still miss him. However, I know I'm ready to move on, and start dating again. I know that I'll really get over Jake when going on dates because then I can move on and know what it'll be like with other guys.

I just don't know what I'm ready for. Just dating around? Another relationship? Dating only Mormon boys? Going out of the box and finding guys that'll respect my beliefs enough to not ask for more?

Before while Jake and I were together, but while we were like "dating", I liked a bunch of other guys. I just didn't know if they felt the same way about me so I would just turn my attention elsewhere and move on because they didn't show that they wanted anything more. I find myself thinking about three particular guys (who will not be named for my sake haha) and I just don't know what to do. Two I know are interested, one of which is ready for a relationship (and if he had decided this before Jake I would've jumped in whole heartedly...but I think I just scared him away which I seem to be efficient at) and the other I have no idea.

I have no idea what to do!

I know that I will not know until I go on dates. I just need to start dating and not think about a serious relationship right now. Only then will I know.

The thing is, one is LDS and the other isn't but he knows what I believe and will not ask for more. He respects my beliefs.

I kind of want to just date LDS guys because they do share my beliefs and it would be easier to keep them. But just because a guys isn't LDS doesn't mean he isn't a great guy! He could even be better than some of the LDS guys I know.

Personally, I'm more of a relationship person. I love being in a relationship. Knowing how the other person feels about you, that they'll always be there if you wanna just cuddle (which I'm a VERY cuddly person). They're there to kiss you and to hug you and to hold you. Whenever I watch chick flicks that the girl is in a relationship, I long for that. I love relationships because they're stable. I need stability in my life right now. In a time that I feel my world completely falling apart and shifting I need some stability.

I'm not excited, however, to start the "I like him. I don't know if he likes me. Was he flirting with me, or just being nice? What do I do? Do I wait for him to make a move, or do I make a move?". That's always the worst part about dating!

I just don't know what I want, and I don't want to hurt anyone.

...

We'll just have to see how things play out.

Best Wishes,
Chelsea Marie :)